Bravery

I begin to realise that whatever being posted in this blog comes from a moment of inspiration. Never carefully planned, structured, just a sheer depiction of the stream of words popping up in my mind every moment.

It was a week ago, Saturday if I'm not mistaken, right after walking down the escalator and wandering aimlessly, I stumbled upon a person of a familiar face just a few metres ahead. Just that split second glance was enough to convince me that I was right about it. But neither of us crossed into each other's path. Neither did I have the intention of stopping by for a greeting.

When I was a kid, mom used to say that I was the braver of the two siblings at home. It was a usual thing that she would stop the car by the roadside and I will hop out and head into the 7 Eleven store, pay for a loaf a bread and not forgetting to demand for a plastic bag before returning. I can still recall some of the dangerous stunts I managed to pull out years ago, once at the Mines Wonderland a 5 year old kid tried to impress everybody by sliding down the slippery ice slope while standing, sending his parents to the edge of sanity while watching in horror.

But it is not as if my brother is yellow, probably he doesn't like the idea of getting involved in those situations. In fact, he did many worse things in the past, thing which I don't think I have the guts to do similarly.

I believe that bravery is just as similar as other natural attributes, it is gained from learning through experience. It is not something that can be found in the textbooks, those are merely theoretical interpretations of the true value, neither can it be associated with exaggerated scenes in movies or TV shows.

There are indeed countless varieties of bravery, fear being its nemesis. Some fear water, some fear blood, some fear exams, others fear death, everyone is afraid of something. I remember the first time I played a flute solo on stage, I almost wet my pants. At every first attempts, a never ending stream of questions seems to flood into your mind, things like the audiences' reactions, was the note out of tune, did you mess up the rhythm.

During my debut in an official debate competition, I couldn't help but wonder if I look like a fool on stage. Surely in every similar situation, several members of the floor will be whispering and giggling to each other throughout and in between speeches, which raises concerns among the speakers wondering if they are behaving abnormally. I know, because I was in that situation. Later on I found out what was it all about, although nothing serious, but from there on I worked on my weakness and though such similar situations occurred in near future again, I was least concerned about its existence, it never once bothered me again.

It is always usual for hesitancy to arise whenever you try something new.

When is the time a child doesn't look to his left and right, fearing that the parents or teacher might be around before trying to astound his friends by hurling at the top of his voice his newly learned foul words, only for years to pass and stick out his middle finger behind the headmaster after being spanked in his backside.

When is the time a new driver on the road doesn't think twice before sounding the honk at illegal street racers, only to do the same thing at others driving abidingly to the speed limit, just for fun.

Enough crap. Any further and this will turn into another pre-driving lecture.

I believe in fate, not a decided future. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again, just like the old days. I just got the feeling as though that person and I are two parallel lines.

Lines that are always side by side, with similar direction, but will never meet

Ipoh, my hometown.

How different a town like Ipoh is compared to a metropolis of KL.

One obvious observation would be the traffic. Though traffic of Ipoh has increased from a decade ago, it is still insignificant compared to that of the latter, I still find it possible to drive from one end of town to the other in 15 minutes, half the time if it's past 1 am.

Head to the nearest mall in Ipoh at any time during the weekends and you'll find a similar depiction of the amount of people at Bintang Walk, finding a car park is almost impossible and not surprisingly the road is shorten by a lane due to strings of vehicles left by impatient shopaholics.

Pay a visit to a pub at Tambun, Ipoh Garden East or Greentown at 9pm and prepare to sit by the roadside with beers and firecrackers to celebrate the 1st day of Chinese New Year, and for the next 15 days.

And finally, take a short drive to any of those places mentioned above at any other days of the year at night, especially Greentown, and you will wonder if you've reached a rural village or ghost town. Because it's just so quiet, dark and serene.

Ipoh is no Bangsar, it can never be that lively no matter how much the state government wants it to be. Bad enough that it always had this solemn atmosphere, banning live concerts by local artistes simply makes things worse.

This town was never like Mont' Kiara. Finding a high-rise building here is tough, not to mention sky-scrappers, finding a condominium is one in a million hectars.

And it will never be like Damansara, nor will you find The Gardens opening a new branch any where close, for Ipoh people have a more conservative spending habit than those living 200 clicks to the south. We're always more thrifty with money. Don't be fooled by one's appearance. Many young men and women dress up like parrots, presenting themselves like the younger versions of Robert Kuok, but of course, with empty pockets and piles of unsettled credit card bills. In contrast, don't be surprised to find a chap with an old rag and Potter's glasses to have a bank account net worth of 7-8 digits.

Yet so many travel to this forsaken town from all over the nation, some are first-timers, more are regulars, and most are returning home.

I have to admit, that after just slightly over a month coming home, there's nothing much else I can think of which I have yet to do. The following 2 months is a good test of patience and resolve.

Even if Ipoh will ever degrade into a fishing village status, it will never give away the title of the food hub of Malaysia, bettered only by Penang.

No doubt that restaurants like TGI Friday's, Tony Roma's and Dragon Inn will never make their way up north. Think again. Ipoh was never famous for western cuisine, you find most of them in KL and Selangor, but if you are really into original western food, nothing beats those from their respective origins. A £3 fish & chips from any local shop in London is a lot more appetizing than the best from the Manhattan Fish Market.

What ever you want, you name it, you get it here. You want coffee shop environment, head to old town. You want breakfast among fishmongers and pork sellers, you get it. You want a meal under trees, you get it.

Away from the hustle and bustle of the capital, Ipoh is always a nice place to chill and warm down. Without massive traffic jams to offer, chances are that locals stand a lower risk of getting heart problems. Along the road towards the outskirts of the town, tourists always stop to get hold of pomelos and Ipoh heong peng as souvenirs, always in great demand from afar.

If anyone were to ask me on my opinion of Ipoh, I would tell him to spend just 2 days here, and he will be craving to be back once every year.

Ipoh is nice. Not because I love the crappy broadband speed, nor do I fancy the standard of drivers on the roads. I know that at the end of June next year, I will be missing this place terribly. This is the place I've lived in for 17 years, fond and tearful memories are a part of me just like the stars in the dark sky. Old friends, relatives, acquaintance from afar gather in this small place for just a short period of time once a year for more than a hi and bye.

More importantly, this is where I belong, where my family is. Not Subang, never London, but Ipoh; my hometown.

Of Winners and Losers

For the rest of the fortnight, this monitor will be my sanctuary for live updates on Wimbledon 08.

Blame the fact that I don't have the luxury of enjoying Astro in the living room.

But, on the brighter side, I realised that Star Sports isn't providing the best coverage of the event, probably the fault lies in the hands of the official broadcasters though. While mouth-watering clashes on Centre Court and Court 1 are in play, it amused me that they choose to telecast one from Court 19.

Let's not go any further on that. As I was typing the previous paragraph, I occasionally switched tabs to the SlamTracker, with the speakers providing some commentary of play from Sopcast, my only source of live coverage of sports. Imprinted here on the green grass-like background of the scaled window was the score from Centre Court, Djokovic 0-2 Safin, 2-4 in the 3rd set. I pumped my fists in delight every time the break point counter of Safin's increases by a notch.

Truthfully, I'm no fan of both players. But let it be temporary that I shall endorse myself as a fan of Safin, just for this match, I can't wait to see Djokovic's face as he walks out of Court 1 with the face as if he wish he had not turned up for the match today. I can't wait to see the looks on his family members' faces as if they wish they'd stayed at home rather than watching from the grandstand.

There's no doubt in my mind that Djokovic is an accomplished young player, a Grand Slam winner at only 20 years of age is indeed very remarkable. What made it special was the fact that he upset the great Roger Federer on route to his 1st success at Rod Laver Arena. Perhaps success came a little too easy for him.

Let us not forget that Federer was diagnosed with mononucleosis, which should have peaked when he was playing in Australia. Any normal athlete would need at least 6 months of rest before returning to action, having to play through a five-setter third round clash to reach the semi-finals is surely something remarkable by this man. I don't want to take away any praises from Djokovic, but you just have to admit that his victory was made easy by nature.

But that does not mean that I'm trying to protect the great man from every angle, in fact I have been critical with the way Federer played all season long, from lacklustre to sometimes brilliant performances, and back to the most recent hammering by Nadal at Roland Garros. Unfortunately, we have to accept that every one has their ups and downs, Federer's just came at the wrong time, and after holding Nadal back in the rankings by over a thousand points heading into his pet event, it's no surprise that he still considers this season as being far from over.

I used to dislike Nadal, simply because he is the person solely responsible for denying Federer a chance to clinch the only Slam which has eluded him throughout his career. Not once, not twice, not even thrice, but four times in four years. If Nadal was borned a year or two later, Federer would have celebrated a calender and career slam several years ago, instead of it still being a dream today.

But these days I begin to enjoy watching the rivalry between these two great players of different styles and personalities. Right-hander vs left-hander, grass-court maestro vs the king of clay, master of backhand vs the monster-forehand. Federer has won almost everything in the tennis world today, save for the French Open, but the 1-9 record on clay against Nadal will probably be the least appreciated account in his remarkable career. Nevermind trying have a winning record against him, trying to beat Federer is one hell of a task, and for one to have a lifetime 6-11 record against him truly proves that his opponent is special too.

Nadal has been gracious in every single victory over Federer, praising his opponent's talents and skills, even apologising this year for once again denying him the chance of claiming the coveted trophy. I don't know if Federer is willing to trade his Wimbledon crown for the Coupe des Mousquetaires, but what I do know is that he'll be gunning for it again next year.

Unlike the World No. 2, Djokovic seems to be another normal teenager on the streets, too taken away by his short reign as the year's best player to date. Winning a Grand Slam plus several Masters Series were enough to make him swollen-headed, issuing challenges to dethrone the top two players . On one hand, his success this year should be commended, on the other hand, perhaps it was a little too soon to challenge for the No. 1 rank in the tour. It's not that he does not possess the ability to do so, but one must not pride too much over his success that he loses composure early in his career. The likes of Federer and Sampras had gone through miles of hardship before winning all the recognition they deserve today.

Speaking of Djokovic certainly reminds me of Andy Roddick, a once young prodigy tipped to be the next Jimmy Connors, yet fail to live up to expectations after winning his maiden, and only Grand Slam in 2003. Another hot-headed player who frequently smashes his racquet in frustration, such similar immaturity can be seen in Djokovic today.

Another young rising star that captivated every one's eyes last year was Lewis Hamilton, first ever Formula One driver to win a race in his rookie season as well as the most consecutive podiums from debut race at 9. I have to be critical on this, because it is not a norm for a rookie driver to start his career in a Mercedes powered Mclaren team, one that is able to provide a car far more reliable and faster than those during the times of Hakkinen and Raikkonen. Clearly, Hamilton is lucky, pure lucky to have known Ron Dennis for so long to be recruited into the team, survive a team brawl with his partner driver which ended in the dismissal of the double world champion, and finally ending the 2007 season in 2nd placing.

But all of that counts for nothing, as he began to show his immaturity that many did not expect to see from such a promising driver in his sophomore season. Mistakes on and off-track has led to speculations on whether he is going to replace Michael Schumacher as the greatest F1 driver ever. I'm not in position to question that, but if that is what he desires, he certainly has much more to learn. And the first would be to start respecting the seniors in the tour.

If there was one thing I learned from being a band member, it was to always know your own position and show respect for your seniors, no matter who they are, nor how much they deserve that respect. It is none of your concern to determine whether he deserves it or not, your duty is simply to show that respect.

My final months in the band were not made easier by a bunch of kids trying to go too far. Attempts to overpower the administration were made, it still saddens me whenever I reflect on it. It was never in the regions of my powers to handle such atrocities, the case was later solved in a peaceful manner, but I'm a firm believer in karma. Those involved certainly understood the consequences years later.

Oh, there you go. The 3rd seed ousted in straight sets. Federer's path to his 6th consecutive Wimbledon triumph has been made a little easier by the removal of a landmine, only to be replaced with a hand grenade, Safin is unpredictable, but the final hurdle still lies in the likes of Nadal at the end of the rail.

Fingers crossed for the champion.

Of Love and Hate

I yearned for this day to come from the moment I stepped into the life of an A-Levels student.

After 18 months of 'hard' work, joy, pain, I'm not exactly sure if I am happy to put all these behind me.

But this short stint in a place formerly so foreign, but now being considered as a 2nd home in the country, has certainly been an eye-opener to a broader world.

Perhaps the most significant thing is that I've seen a wider variety of people which exists in this world. I've seen the dirtier sides in people, that being rather more frequent than its opposite counterpart. I know that there are worse things out there, but let's take a step at a time, this being a new definition of variation from that of my past.

But don't be fooled by that one small part of the story, I don't meant to make this post a criticism nor a way to expose the dark sides of reality. Indeed I've met wonderful people along the way, peeps who were there with me through the good, the bad and the ugly. Probably I can't thank them enough for what they've done to make this year and a half a pleasant one for me.

Not to forget the former too, I'm truly indebted, for if their presence were not felt, I would have missed out on a very good opportunity to learn something new in life. I always want to learn something from every stage of life, in order to deal with them in a proper manner if such similar events arise again in future. After all, it's not as if these can be found in textbooks, experience is just another tool for learning. Only difference is that we need to come face to face first, before coming up with a personal solution.

If there's one thing I've learned about communication, it would be that there is no existence of a one-way street. Doing that would be no different than mumbling to a wall. I was never good in socialising, even today I'm still not, but it's not as if I just laid back and did nothing about it. I realised that trying to get into a conversation not only requires the will to do so, but there has to be a common thing in both sides to strike a conversation. And regardless of that element, if there is no mutual consent of both parties to manage a convo, then there's no point of having one. It would turn out to be a meaningless individualistic attempt.

But then again, I finally had the opportunity to meet a type of person who comes up to you only when they need your assistance, beyond that would be an ignorance of your existence. There was once this thought which came into my mind, that I should treat people as how they treat me, an eye for an eye, but then coming to my senses, I realised that such actions were not necessary. I don't need to force myself to step into others' shoes for the sake of 'revenge', because I know that it is not who I really am. It's just the same concept as how you want to look presentable to others, not for them.

I enjoyed A-Levels because it's divided into 2 parts, both being almost unrelated at all. I loved A-Levels because it's entirely an exam-based course, I need not worry about course works needed to be handed in for marks to be scored, I need not worry about test results though I try not to get red marks. I enjoyed the times at the pool centre honing my skills on the table. I dearly missed the early hours of Thusday playing FIFA and CSS, screaming in delight for every goal and kill scored, cursing for those conceded.

I enjoyed class outings at malls, a change of environment and there will always be discounted lunch, thanks to having a millionaire in the class. I enjoyed tagging along home in beng soon's car, playing with the honk and listening to the barrage of foul words being hurled at me, together with joel laughing his ass off at the back and permesh trying so hard to imitate the Offspring with his own rendition of Pretty Fly.


Several other things worth mentioning without the need for further elaboration :

I've come to understand how gays exist in our community;

For the first time in my life, I've seen man-wannabe freaks and lesbians-in-black.

I disliked the idea of changing classrooms every period, waste of energy. Neither did I like the idea of walking all the way to the 3rd floor every single day for classes. Though good for fitness, definitely not for fatigue.

Perhaps I'll never meet another person who talks more ridiculous rubbish in the world.

I'm sure that I don't want to meet another who annoys others that badly, worst of all being ignorant about it in the first place, be it intentionally or not.

And finally, I know that it'll never be the same again.


Good night.

Random Thoughts (2)

It was Friday the 13th.

Thankfully, nothing really wrong happened. Past experiences taught me to be a little more cautious when these days of the year arrive. So, this year seems like a pretty smooth sailing one, though actually not entirely perfect, but it will do.

I'm no superstitious guy, I don't turn away from something just because it's sensitive or considered as being 'prohibited' by religious teachings. But, I don't rob, kill, set fire onto something, or what ever which causes both physical and mental harm to others. Well, I do admit that I still do silly little things like teasing, playing prank jokes, or making fun of people. But I do know that there is a certain limit to everything, and that is something I always do my best do avoid trespassing.

Besides these, it all bores down to how you opt to interpret an issue. There are some who are never willing to openly discuss something they consider as 'sensitive', even coming up with 50 years old constitution and laws to prohibit others from trying to bring forward the issue, for fear that it will ignite unease among themselves.

Sometimes I do wonder if we are still living in the dark ages, or have we left our logic our mother's womb.

Trying to protect something by hiding it's existence behind sealed chambers surrounded by point blank sentries isn't the way to solve the matter. What better way can there be than to openly discuss it and come up with a solution? For the sake of safe-guarding and preventing the rise of 'unease-ness', forbidding others from questioning is not far away from dictatorship. Because isn't that close to being preventing free will? Preventing one from fighting for his rights? Isn't human rights what we are fighting for in this century, and centuries of the past?

We know that laws were made by our fore-fathers back then. Agreements were signed and witnessed, but that was half a century ago. And after half a century, you still need spoon-feeding, like a baby?

Our neighbour was built from scratch, and it took them less than what we had to become a developed nation. Please don't come up with reasons comparing the size of both sides. As long as you've decided to take up that responsibility, you have to answer for it.

After 50 years, and you're still trying to use the same laws made back then. Could you imagine if the ancient Chinese dynasties rules were still in practice? We would have had more graveyards than paddy fields in China. Rules are meant to be broken, so as how laws are meant to be changed through time.

A different age needs a different set of rules. Unfortunately, there are some who still think that a leader must be a representative of the 'majority'. Not the majority of the people's support, but based on their skin colour.

I know not when will this ever change. But Americans of today can already accept a Black American as a Presidential candidate. It's not as if their people are the majority ethnic group, perhaps it's because they know that they are Americans, and nothing else.

Until the day when form filling no longer require us to choose between us being a believer or non-believer, until the day when the photographs of the top person cannot be categorised in a single criteria, only then can we call ourselves as countrymen.

Till, then, or perhaps even beyond that, I am still a Chinese. No matter where I go, no matter what I become in future, I will always be one.

There's nothing proud of it, just whether you're willing to accept it or not.